After a band picnic, we used a Ouija Board to communicate with a guy that was a tire re-groover before he died. He said we should name our band "Abstract Reality". Off the record, it really seemed to the other bandmates like Hempmaster J was pulling the glass toward the letters. To this day Hempmaster J will jam his finger in your mouth if you ask him about it. Then he says, "You know where this finger has been???"

We had a few slow years after it came out in the press we were taking pets from fans on our mailing list and holding them for ransom money. We raised enough money to produce our first album, but for a while I guess people were kind of mad about that and stayed away from our shows. Today, MGC3003 is performing A-Reality songs live in his quad-city looping microtour centered around Chicago. Parents are outraged.

When NAPSTER came out, people stopped buying CDs. We solved this dillema by putting subliminal messages in our MP3s. Our CD sales have gone through the roof!

SURE. (With picket signs.) Abstract Reality is a radical left wing group that is extremely anti-corporation. Once, they included "suspicious white powder" in their snail-mailing list. (It was just baking soda.) But Bush's goons didn't think it was so funny. They closed the post office for several days! Everyone except Kaye is still on probation for that little "performance art piece."

MGC3003 has singlehandedly wreaked havoc on the entire Abstract Reality crew. It all began when he tricked Hempmaster J into co-founding the band. Next they recruited a drummer who ended up becoming a methamphetamine addict and dying from a tragic overdose years later. They tricked a singer into joining the band, who killed himself after the release of their first album, "Square Meal". A couple of the more fortunate original members are still alive, though suffering equally dismal fates: one became a vegan activist and the other founded a Church in Virginia. Abstract Reality continues to guarantee consistent unemployment for MGC3003 & Hempmaster J, and is already taking a toll on Kaye, even from 3003 miles away.

Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, Pop Will Eat Itself / PWEI, and KMFDM all list Abstract Reality as a major influence in the creation of their music.

MGC3003 likes gas stations that sell really bad coffee (as long as the bathroom features a writable surface.) Hempmaster J likes jails that provide quality entertainment & sex education for the prisoners. Kaye likes whatever place on earth that is as far as possible from MGC3003 and Hempmaster J, and actually has restraining orders against them throughout all of Europe. (This makes touring difficult.)

MGC3003 pokes holes in condoms at stores and puts them back on the shelf. Hempmaster J collects discarded needles from playgrounds and uses them to give people tattoos. By day, they install "toilet cams" in public restrooms and run websites selling the video feeds. Kaye weeps.

Abstract Reality's original singer blew his head off with a shotgun back in 1995. MGC3003, Hempmaster J, and other bandmembers were the pallbearers. MGC3003 tripped, causing the band to drop the casket in front of the dead singer's family and about 250 of Abstract Reality's fans. Shortly after the funeral, MGC3003 took over on vocals. To this day, people wonder if Monte's "suicide" was really self-inflicted...